A year ago today...

A year ago today, I left for Europe.  It was the best trip and the most amazing experience of my life.  I had spent it with the person that I thought was the love of my life.   It is a memory I will never forget and will always treasure.


Everytime I try to fly
I fall without my wings
I feel so small
I guess I need you baby
And everytime I see you in my dreams
I see your face, it's haunting me
I guess I need you baby

I wish the nightmares would go away and I could replaying how things ended every night.   Ugh... I don't know which is worse.  The insomnia or the bad dreams that I do have when I do sleep.

I cannot sleep again because the memory of you haunts me.  I have an every day battle and it undoes me.  I take one day at a time.

When I used to cry, it used to be because he wasn't there anymore.  When I cry now, its because he's never coming back.

my heart will never be the same...

Have you ever laid in bed an contemplated how your life would have been or should have been, instead of how it was?  I used to be thankful for every broken road.  Each regret I have had, it made me into the person I was.  But I live with mistakes now.  They aren't ones that effect anyone other than myself in a negative way.  Except for maybe the one I lost.  If I could relive those past few months... Would I?  Should I?  I know that  he is better off without me.  He was meant for so much more to this world than what I could him and I tried so hard to give him everything.   I should have let him go before it ended badly and how we will always remember each other the last time I saw him is now tainted.  That is the fault I will live with for the rest of my life.  If I could do it over, I would.  Though, I don't know how.  I feel like it was inevitable. Because when he thinks of me, I want him to smile.  Like I always will when I think of him.  Where ever he is and where ever life takes him, I hope he is nothing but happy.