my heart will never be the same...

Have you ever laid in bed an contemplated how your life would have been or should have been, instead of how it was?  I used to be thankful for every broken road.  Each regret I have had, it made me into the person I was.  But I live with mistakes now.  They aren't ones that effect anyone other than myself in a negative way.  Except for maybe the one I lost.  If I could relive those past few months... Would I?  Should I?  I know that  he is better off without me.  He was meant for so much more to this world than what I could him and I tried so hard to give him everything.   I should have let him go before it ended badly and how we will always remember each other the last time I saw him is now tainted.  That is the fault I will live with for the rest of my life.  If I could do it over, I would.  Though, I don't know how.  I feel like it was inevitable. Because when he thinks of me, I want him to smile.  Like I always will when I think of him.  Where ever he is and where ever life takes him, I hope he is nothing but happy.